Friday, May 21, 2010

years ago, when i'd read ken wilber's book, 'grace and grit', there was this chapter which talked about the 'support person' who takes care of the person who is ill. ken wilber was talking about himself as the support person who was taking care of his terminally ill wife, treya, suffering from multiple cancer. and he described the mental, emotional and physical challenges that the 'support person' has to go through while taking care of the patient. most people tend to sympathise with the patient, those who are going through the pain and suffering the disease. but almost everyone fails to recognise the role, the pain and the agony of the support person. apart from having to deal with the illness of a loved one, he/she has to also take care of numerous other aspects of day-to-day life, pay the hospital bills and other bills, and 'be there' to boost up morale all around. and that is quite a tall order!

well, that was the role i have been playing this past few weeks. and from first-hand experience, i can say that it is quite stressful. especially if one starts getting advice from all and sundry on what are the best home remedies for the patient. it becomes the moral responsibility of the support person to ensure that the patient adheres to all the advices given. irrespective of whether the person who is sick is willing or not.

i have also not been spared my list of advices. from relatives to neighbours, everyone has got the 'magic cure' for diabetes, kidney stone and gout - the conditions that landed my husband into hospital. and funnily enough as i am writing this i realise, that even i want him to strictly adhere to all the do's and don'ts the doctors have laid down on him. not just that, i want to be in 'control' of how he goes about it all... and well, those who know him well would also understand when i say that it has only increased my frustrations! the very day he's been out of hospital, he made it clear to me in no uncertain terms that he intends to live the way he wants to and not by giving up on the foods and way of life that he likes. 

and so, here i am, sitting and wondering what am i supposed to do as a 'support person'? or do i say 'to hell with it all and to each his own'?