Friday, October 12, 2007

meeting entrepreneurs

last week i met up with a dear college friend. i had met him last about two years ago, when he'd come down from jamshedpur to attend my wedding. although we've not been in touch regulary, we've always managed to keep contact over the last 9 years, calling each other every few months. over the years, i've gone my way - starting my career in mainstream advertising to go on to corporate communications. and he's trodden a very different path - from art school to sales and marketing. exactly how different a path he's walked on became clear to me only when we met.

he's become an entrepreneur. a complete businessman. but what inspired me was that he was brimming with ideas of things to do. some of which he's already done or is doing and many which he wants to do. and unlike a money-minded businessman, he's doing all this to create some value. to ensure that his vision and his name lingers in people's minds long after he's gone.

from what i saw of him, it doesn't look like he's become a rich and happening entrepreneur - not yet. he looked like a person who's worked hard, tasted failures but is still raring to stand up and go. and right now he's doing decently well in the success terms. but what i also know is that he will succeed and make it to his dreams.

on our way to meet him (p was also with me), we'd thought that we'd spend an hour or two with him and then go on to another relative who stays in the vicinity. but sitting there with him, listening to his ideas and advices (which he wanted me to seriosuly take up), we spent nearly three and half hour. what he was advising me to do was all that i wanted to do - someday - but was scared to even begin. to start on my own doing things that i like doing best. and to sell it and market it so that i make a good living out of it all.

after parting with him that evening, and a visit to our relatives, we returned home. and just as we were walking in we met another friend of p's. he too is an entrepreneur and has been on his own for nearly 8-10 years now. he had the same energy and passion that my friend had - ideating, working...

listening to them both, i was thinking about the passion that both shared. the passion to do something on their own, the vision that dares to look beyond the immdiate needs of money and security, and the courage to stand by all that they believed in.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

happy-sad

'hey, silent movie, sound de na'

'sad-sad? happy-sad kyon nahin? hum sad kyon hote hain. kyonki mann bhari hai. mann bhari kyon hai? kyonki woh jo humein happy karta hai, woh hamare paas nahin. happy tha, isiliye sad hai na? toh, happy-sad rah na.'

this is the profound wisdom you hear from 'sexy', a little girl dying of blood cancer, in the movie 'cheeni kum'. this is not a review of the movie. watching a movie on the cable, with 10 minutes of commercial break, is not my idea of enjoying a movie. let alone writing a review. this post has more to do with that piece of wisdom.

i get these moments in life - moments of 'who moved my cheese' wisdom, as p calls it. not moments, rather long periods of enlightenment. when i am absolutely ok with the way life is. when nothing and nobody bothers me too much. when i'm happy and generally content with the way things are. when, i let be... and during these moments, i read or come across these profound pieces of wisdom which affects me deeply. and for a few days, weeks, i am floating in that knowledge. until, something else happens which completely derails me and my emotional make-up.

right now, i'm in the midst of one such period. when anything that doesn't go according to my plan of things, just manages to make me happy-sad and not sad-sad. i know that i have a choice - i can either get completely immersed in the emotion of pain, or hurt, or anger that comes across me at any moment. or, i can choose to stand back, and decide to feel the pain or whatever emotion there is, and move on...

when i start receiving these pearls of wisdom, there is a shower of them from the universe. like this beautiful post my friend sn, sent me today. wonderful read. http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/08/the-joy-of-sadness/

Saturday, August 18, 2007

a time to tell... and a time to hold the tongue

many a times in life, i've bit my tongue after blurting out a comment or after making an observation or simply after telling of something that happened. and many a times i've realised it on hindsight that i shouldn't have said that at that moment. to tell at all or not to tell something to someone is easier to judge. it would depend on whether i trust the person, or whether it's relevant to the person and so on. but what if i trust the person and it's also relevant to the person. can i just say what comes in my mind at the first instance i get?

p always would insist on speaking or sharing thoughts or anything at an appropriate moment. 'there's a time and place for everything'. and often i would get really bugged with this habit of his. 'com'mon, if you can't speak your thoughts as they come to mind, what's the point of sharing!' is my argument. and especially with really close friends or in intimate relationships.

but then, slowly now, i'm realising that although i haven't agreed to him on this, often there are times when instinctively i've held back from speaking what comes to mind. when a kid, i'd know whether papa was ready to talk about anything serious or when would be a right time to tell mummy that i wanted a new dress. and yet, i also remember times when i'd have to be silenced - 'sshhh, not now. this is not the time to tell him about what your friend said... not when he's discussing something important with your uncle!'

and now, more and more, i'm learning that it's necessary especially in intimate relationships to know when to speak and when to hold your tongue. for example, i've been feeling really tired for days now. i've ben sleepy and wanting to even take leave and go home to my mother's so that i could rest for a few days without having to burden myself with 'maintaining' decorums. so, when the weekend comes, i'm thrilled that i would get some sleep and a much needed rest. that's exactly when someone in the family falls sick or there's a marriage or there are guests coming. the first thing that comes to my mind is 'what the hell! that's just what i needed now'. but this is a thought i shouldn't be sharing with p at that moment. coz he'd have his own burdens to carry related to these events. he might be looking for some support from me. and this is definitely not the time he wants to hear this from me. especially when he's aware of my situation and condition. so when i blurt out my misgivings, he feels so much lesser able to deal with the situation at hand. and this is true of any relationship.

and i'm learning that to share these thoughts at a more appropriate time, when the listener is also open to it, is the best time to ensure that i am listened to.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

on the changing human sexual behaviours

some time ago a friend had sent me a link to a post by suchitra krishnamurthi, shekhar's kapoor's wife, on a blog. here's the link for anyone interested: http://www.intentblog.com/archives/2007/07/the_sex_buddy_s.html

for those who are not inclined to go click another link and would rather get the context of this post - the blog was about the apparently new syndrome 'sex buddies'. she writes explaining the whole idea, wherein a sex buddy is a partner in sex. two consenting adults mutually agreeing to indulge in the oldest sport mankind has known and then moving on with their separate, individual lives. no strings attached.

so, why am i not alarmed or shocked reading this? coz this has always been happening. people never talked about it. and also, now women are being proactive. it's no longer always the woman being molested and/or exploited. now it's a give and take. a deal.

also, this is not a new syndrome. if you read our history, all these are behaviours and trends which were there since the time man started living in societies. the occurences were lesser not because men/women were not sexually active but because due to lesser population and longer distances between hamlets and towns they were not constantly crashing into each other. the way they do in cities and towns today. so, arjuna had to go on his exile and roam around forests before he met chitrangada in manipur. and he had to return from there and then meet subhadra a year later... and all these women also knew that he was 'happily' married to draupadi. but they had the freedom those days to choose as they please. so, they chose to 'play' with him. but did they live with him happily ever after? no. this inspite of the stories of how they went on to become proud and respected mothers of sons of great valour!

through the ages, women lost that power. the brahmins and men in higher echleons of power decided that they wanted to control the society. so, they slowly wrested the freedom of women. but at the same time they wanted the same pleasures. so, they molested and raped women. rather than give her the freedom to choose, and bear the consequences of their women leaving them for other worthier men.

would have done us all more good if we were as free in the society as then. could avoid lot of wars and problems. there actually are proofs in the society for this - in places where the man to woman ratio is in the favour of women, the crimes committed on women are lesser. and not just that, these societies report lesser violence and other socio-economic problems. at times lot of these gundas and terrorists are nothing but highly charged testosterones. a good sexual life would keep them satisfied and mentally healthy too :) seriously!


coming back to the concept of sex buddies, i think it is not a question of morality or societal norms. it's more a question of personal choices.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

a song can change a life... and a lifetime

when i first listened to the soulful rendition of 'ji chahe to sheesha ban jaa' by abida parveen in a darkened room, it was like listening to something that was sublimal. something beyond me. something that i instinctively knew was deep n beyond my comprehension. but it struck a chord. and it stayed there... somewhere deep within the recesses of my memory. i loved the words, the rendition, the music... but it didn't go deeper.

four years later, tonight, a lifetime seems to have passed since then. life has changed. times have changed. my own life has taken a different meaning. it has brought its own challenges like every marriages do. every relationships do. most of the times i fail in them these days. i live in relationships that are not more than what i shared with my room mates at hostel. there's a make-do attitude. i don't know if every relationship is like that. but at times i feel scared whether i have not been very intolerable towards the people in my life. whether it's me who has kept these relationships at an arms length. and then i give myself the argument that it's always like that and with everybody. it's just that i am analyzing too much. dissecting things too much. but it sure does scare me, when i live in my home as i lived in a hostel - making do with other's attitudes, their beliefs, their habits. i guess, it's the same everywhere. the only difference being that most of the times people don't accept it. because i hear the same stories from every other newly married-settling-into-a-new-family friend/colleague.

recently my frustrations at things not happening the way i wanted/hoped has increased. i seem to be living on the edge of insanity and sanity. i have been self-destructive and at times even physically so. there's something that i look to, yearn for, something that i am not able to grasp. and i am unable to explain this to myself. i behave in extremes. and also a fear of being left out again. left behind by the man i love. like the one other man i loved. long back. from the time i was born. maybe even before that.

through all these pain there was something within that had kept me going through the years. that's before my marriage. it was being connected to my Self. my practices. i wouldn't call them spiritual practices. as the word 'spiritual' is too enormous a word for my practices. which used to be my journal, my solitary walks where i have experienced the Self; learning tai chi, reiki and meditation. the last two years i have not been consistent with my practices. these practices had rooted me. given me the strength to grow. supported me... and then i left them.

and now the need to do something about all the procrastination and take control of my life has become very acute.

that's whn tonight i stumbled upon the sufi qalaam by abida parveen again. i listened to it this time. i cried with the song. and it was as if all the pain and soreness was being washed out. i was laughing and crying at the same time. realising how stupid i was being. looking for solace all around me when all i was about was 'apni aag mein khud jal jaaye tu aisa parwaana ban jaa'... burn within and illuminate mySelf... immolate myself to reach the Self... and for the first time i just sat there and listened to all the songs that was enriching my soul. drinking in, and dancing, and swaying, from deep within like i never have swayed; to the music and lyrics and the deep meaning they were speaking to me. and for a change i didn't even move to find out what p was doing when the thought came that he might be there watching tv and i might be missing some time with him. i knew instinctively that more importantly i needed this time for my Self. to heal and to repair. and rejuvenate. and be happy and in turn make others around me happy.

ps: for those who want to listen to the song - it's from abida parveen's album 'raqs-e-bismil' - ji chahe to sheesha ban ja, ji chahe paimana ban ja...

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

he's back! and has gained strength...

it's not just lord voldemort who's back, having gained strength; but also harry potter and everything related to the fifth movie - 'the order of the phoenix'. harry potter is big and how!it has broken box office records by raking in $44.8 million on it's first day. the last highest record being $40.4 million by spiderman 2 in 2004. and five days after opening it has already crossed $330 million worldwide. the boy who lived, still casts spell on the box office.

i saw the movie on the opening day, last show. ok, i am a die-hard potter fan. in fact, for the first time in my life of listening to fm radio, i have been sending smses for an on-air contest where the winner gets the new potter book - the deathly hallows. yeah, i know!! sadder still is that i did not win despite the correct smses.

so, now the movie. i think it's the best of the five released till date. it's no longer a child's fantasies played out on a grand scale. it's darker, sleeker and definitely fast paced. there are no more pretences at playing magic, and as hermione says advocating the need to learn 'real' defence against dark arts, there are dark forces out there.
the movie opens with an over-the-summer-grown-up harry on a swing in the fields near privet drive. the ever-so-trying-to-be-mean dudley and his friends taunt him. when harry loses his patience and brings out his wand, the sky suddenly darkens. harry and dudley run into the subway where they are attacked by the ghostly dementors. harry has to conjure his patronus to defeat the dementors who had begun kissing dudley dead. harry is brought to the wizard court at the ministry of magic; a superbly created place teeming with witches arriving thru the flu network, bewitched paper planes used as memos flitting in and out of departments, lifts that go horizontally into the wall, a huge moving portrait of the minister of magic, corenlius fudge hanging from the walls, a complete bustling official place; to face trial for performing underage magic. from then on the movie just takes you into it's grip.
i wouldn't want to write more of the story here as almost everybody has read the book. if not, then this is a good time to do so.

many devoted harry potter book fans would definitely have the complaint that the movie has heavily left out much of the story. but then, there would have been no way in which an 870 page book could be turned into a two and a half hour movie. the director, david yates has done a superb job of taking up only those parts which propels the plot forward leaving much of the frills out. there's no mention of quidditch, or the goings on at the office of the order of the phoenix, or the dursleys and so on. instead there is harry and his friends forming dumbledore's army, practising every form of magic and spells that would help them defend against the dark forces. and harry experiencing his first kiss, the signs of growing up. and harry facing his deadliest enemy after voldemort, his new teacher, prof. dolores umbridge. and george and fred flying out of school and academia in true magical style and panache. and the best part, the grand finale at the ministry of magic - a breath-taking showdown between the deatheaters and harry, his friends and members of the order, ending in a duel between voldemort and dumbledore. this is one part i am grateful to david yates for. although i read this part twice, i could hardly imagine the entire sequence. because there is so much happening at the same time all over the place. thanks to the movie, i got a visual representation of the entire climax.

the kids playing the characters have grown up into fine actors. daniel radcliffe embodies harry potter. he's superlative in his performance. but the one actor to watch out for in the movie is imelda staunton, playing the head-to-toe-mean-in-pink prof. dolores umbridge. with her high-pitched sweet twitter and laughter she makes her character very mean and very believable.

the visual effects are stunning - be it the ministry of magic or harry and the order members flying over the london skyline, or the scene in the room of prophecies, or of course, the climax. david yates has made one hell of a magical movie. go watch!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

to buy or not to buy

i bought myself a titan raga watch. it just cost me 2.5k. but it looks beautiful. a lovely diamond shaped dial with curved edges in steel and gold. i now have four watches. three in good working condition and a fourth which was my first titan and my second wristwatch. i remember i had bought it from my own earnings - i had given tutions to 7th and 8th grade kids after my 12th exams.

i had initially gone to buy something that would have cost me only 2k plus discount. but i ended up buying this one. coz the one i had seen some six months ago and had promised myself that i would buy with my own salary was very similar to the one i have now. so i ended up buying a lovely steel n gold raga. now starts the dilemma - should i have bought it or not. am i spending too much money? would i consider this being a spendthrift? and thousand other questions which make me feel guilty.

someone who taught me tarot sometime ago had a phrase for this kind of behaviour - poverty mentality. as in people who don't act from a space of abundance. who are always stuck with spending as little as possible much to their own discomfort. well, if one has the money, then one should spend it too.

and this dilemma within me continues even after i have spent the money and bought something. should i have bought it. would i like it even after a couple of days, weeks, months. would i live to regret it. coz there have been times when i have bought something on the spur of the moment and then gone on to regret having spent the kind of money i might have spent buying it. coz later i would have seen something which was better and definitely cheaper.

update:
it's been a few days now after i bought the watch and finished updating this post. i still love it. and have not regretted buying it! :)

Thursday, June 28, 2007

i am inspired!!

i have just redesigned my blog. thanks to the new features on blogspot. have been wanting to do something about it for sometime now. finally, success. 

i take a look at other blogs which are designed, designed as in the way the author wants it, and i have always wondered if all these people know html and java and all that to be able to do it 
the way they have done. finally along comes this new feature on blogger that helped me put up my blog the way i want. cool eh!

a month or so ago, i stumbled upon this design and interiors blog - decor8 and since then i have been hooked! and suddenly i find that i am painting more. finding time to paint even though i go to office and return late in the evening. it's great fun. i look at all those patterns and designs and paintings and even pin cushions and i am like - wow! i get ideas in technicolour and visuals flash across my mind when i am least expecting... visuals that beg to be painted. and i am doing just that. painting... to my hearts content.

i also bought my first acrylic colours and am revelling in the ease and texture and look of them on the paintings. they dry in minutes and i don't need to wait for a whole day or sometimes even couple of days for the base coat to dry before i could move ahead like in oils. and the finish is so much more richer. i have also bought a box of 24 soft pastels which i am going to try this weekend. have never worked with those. well, there's always a first time!! 

Saturday, January 27, 2007

one of the biggest decisions in life - buying a house


we just took that - one of the biggest decisions in life. we've committed ourselves to buying a house. committed would mean we've paid the token money for the flat and we will get into a legal agreement with the owner sometime in the first week of february.

it still hasn't sunk in - the feeling of owning a house. a property in your own name. a property worth 46l. i guess it will sink in hook, line and sinker once the monthly loan emi starts coming in :) after all, the loan is for 35l and for 20 years. so at 9% per annum, i.e. if the lic home loans accepts our application, it would mean a 31k per month. between p and my salary we should be able to manage it. although, the initial months would be a little tight on the money front. we are getting possession of the flat only in june and then to rent it out it might take another month.

buying a house was not such a major decision. we've been contemplating it since we got married. but we never actually got down to taking any steps towards actualising that decision. more than a dream, it was a comercial decision. one thinks of owning a dream house which one eventually plans to live in. but we have bought this flat simply coz we wanted to own a house, which could be an investment and of course, someday, maybe, live in it. but to commit for such a huge amount was a major decision. we had started looking out for flats that would cost somewhere from 25-30l. we started going around, looking at new constructions, looking at second sale flats. and everywhere we went, the only ones we liked were ones which cost 50l and above. i mean, we just couldn't believe that anything decent, which was also not too far off from any station would cost half a crore. we had only two or three yardsticks - good construction, large windows (that was a must for both me and p), and two bedrooms with at least one attached bath. we loved the flats at city of joy in mulund, vasant lawns in thane (that was the best), hiranandani (but of course!). but any of these would burn a hole in not just our wallets but our entire bank account. and there is nothing available today in mumbai that would cost less than 3700/sq ft. at least nothing we wanted to buy.

finally we saw this - kohinoor city at vidyavihar. very close to lbs marg and also vidyavihar station. p had just decided to go see it on his way to office one morning. and he liked what he saw. two days later, i went with him to see it. i liked it although i must say i wasn't excited about it as i was about city of joy. that also gave me a clear sense of perspective. the flat we were looking at belongs to an investor who had bought eight flats when the project took off about two years ago. he had bought it at 2750/sq ft. today it has cost us 5200/sq ft. plus a garage that he got for free but he's selling to us for 2l. not a bad business! oh not at all.

so now we've committed to buying it. made the initial payments and are now waiting for the loan to get sanctioned. can't believe that we now are going to be owners of a house
.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A very happy new year!!

here's wishing all the times magazine's person of the year, a very happy new year. for all those who did not know of this news story here is the update: times magazine has chosen 'you' as the person of the year 2006. 'you' is everyone of you out there on the net, blogging and youtubing and leaving their mark on the cyber space. more of the story can be seen here: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1569514,00.html

so, here's power to all netizens. 2006 was an year when common people like you and me made a difference. even in india. from the public outcry, and protests, and net campaigns, and candle light vigil for justice for jessica lal and priyadarshini mattoo to just posting personal triumphs and anguish, the net has given the common people a very powerful tool thru which they can make themselves heard. there might be critics who cry foul and bemoan that this is armchair activism. but in a country where apathy and resignation towards the sad state of affairs has been the norm, at least the net has made them voice their opinion. it has made them sit up and not just take notice of what is going around them but also to express their concerns and protest against corruption and violence and injustice. that is a good enough beginning.

and on a more personal note, the new year seems to have brought in good tidings for me. i have landed two job offers and have finally zeroed in on one that, i feel, would help further my career in advertising. i start work on monday. yippee!!

so, there is another major transition happening in my life. a weekend later, from a freelancer/housewife to a working wife. that in itself would have its own challenges. let me see how it goes...

ps: hey, and all of you out there who have not been able to jot down their comments coz of my blog settings, i have allowed for comments to be posted by guests too. so, go on, share ur thoughts. but please don't try to sell ways to make more money. thanks!