Wednesday, March 29, 2006

celebrating birthday in ishtyle in goa...


have just returned from a glorious weekend in goa - a birthday gift from my dear husband. was awesome! the cliched 'sun, sea and sand'.

am sporting a dark tanned look now. in india one wouldn't call it getting a 'tan'. it would be called getting 'dark'. and believe me nobody wants to be dark - especially girls. wonder why people are so hung up about complexion. would love to have a great, glowing skin tho, with my present complexion - light brown or dark. thank god for bipasha basu - she's really made looking 'dusky' in vogue!

goa, this time, looked much more cleaner. in spite of the growing tourism, which in india, in most other places results in more chaos and mess and garbage. they have been having a clean-the-town drive in panaji. the campaign was called 'chakachak panaji'. one could see numerous banners and posters and hoardings in bright yellow all over panaji asking the citizens to keep the city clean. at least the effect was visible. there were more garbage cans wherever one turned. and most of the garbage was actually thrown inside the can!

apart from the regular tourist hubs, like churches and beaches and temples, what i really loved about this visit was the scooter rides i had with p. we hired a honda activa for rs. 200/day and went about town. he took me to his favourite haunts that he and his friends at the goa institute of management used to go to. places where they would go at midnight or two in the morning, where they would sit and smoke and then chat some on life and living. it feels wonderful to be a part of someone else's stories - to go thru them in space; coz one can't naturally experience them in time.

i finally managed to get around my intial hesitation in wearing the swimming costume i bought. tho i must say it looks oomphy :-). the tummy needs a little toning up.

my experience in the pool or in the sea was not very impressive. i had assumed that i could learn swimming this time. especially considering that i could at least manage to float on my back. also, the last time i was in a pool, about two years ago and single, i was not much scared of water or of drowning for that matter. but this time, i did show a lot of fear of being drowned. wonder why? i am reasoning that last time i did not care much of dying; this time i do. i want to live. live and experience life with p. grow old with him.

p had a great time making fun of me and my fear of water. am not much bothered about that.

the birthday was a little subdued. we didn't celebrate it with too much fanfare. i guess, after spending two days in goa, and really chilling out and having a blast already, there was nothing more we could do. oh yeah, i managed to ride the honda for the first time in my life for about 3-4 km before i rammed into a stationery auto. the roads have mostly serpentine curves and one hardly knows whether a vehicle is coming from the opposite directon. most of the time there is. and nobody bothers to honk. wonder how they manage to avoide collision. but that was not why i rammed the scooter. the steep turn was a little too much for my nerve. managed to escape without any damage to the two of us but the scooter got a dent on the front panel. i was really sad about that - it was a new vehicle and it belonged to the girl in the reception of the river rays resort, where we were staying. finally while settling the bill, we paid rs. 1500 for the scooter.

ah, and what still is the highlight of the trip, as a tourist, to me, was the visit to the saturday night flea market in anjuna. a friend of p's from his goa institute of management days, and his fiance took us there. we reached at around 9 pm. our friends gave a description of the place as - live music, good food, lots of booze, and if one was interested in souvenir shopping, then, lots of junk. the place is a culture shock - after a few minutes i started feeling as if i was in a european saturday night market where they allowed indians to sell there products. i have never in my life seen so many 'whites' at the same place. i could hear french, spanish, english, and even turkish. most of the crowd tho is the typical hyppie-type foreigners who were on a shoestring budget and roaming around india apparently in search of nirvana and grass and pot.

the place is run by some foreigner. he rents out stalls to all the shopkeepers. that's what our friends told us. amazing to see people from kutch and all the way from kashmir selling their wares. the rates are exhorbitant and one needs to bargain big time. they are meant for the foreigners coming there who would definitely be looking at the price from the point of view of exchange rate. it would be a cheap bargain for them if they managed to haggle down 20-50 rupees less than the asking price. but the ideal price i think would be 50% of what is quoted. most of the clothes are hardly wearable - as in they look pretty but the material is flimsy and shabby. one needs to be really choosy when buying. the bags, and jewellery, and stones, and knick-knacs, and the food and beer were really good. altho there are 'no drugs' posters and illuminations all over the place, we could clearly smell grass. every other person there was smoking it.

the place does business till about 1 am and then the peddlers start packing up. the drinks and food and the music still goes on. the goan music band was really good. they played some spanish, latino, hindi and local goan numbers.

so, after three awesome days in goa, we are back in the everyday muggle world...

Friday, March 17, 2006

learning from a story


last night my husband told me a story. he often uses stories to suggest what he feels are lessons in life. and he does it very nicely, effortlessly. whenever i listen to him tell stories, i remember the zen tradition of the master telling koans in reply to his student's questions.

i have always had this perception that 'i love my husband more than he does me'. or rather that he doesn't demonstrate enough his love for me. i know, it's silly but there it is. i have lots of other mis-conceptions and perceptions like these, but then right now those are beyond the point. we had an argument of sorts which started out with me being nasty about one thing and then leading on to so many other things. the funniest part is some time into the fight i always realise that i am being stupid again and that all those nasty comments are my way of creating pain for myself and him. but then, immediately upon this realisation i don't want to admit that i have been stupid. besides, there is a limit to which someone can understand that i have been stupid again. do it more than four times and then nobody wants to listen to apologies. and yet, this here guy understands my intentions, and all that i don't want to say, so well, that it amazes me. tho he doesn't let out that he knows very well where i am coming from. most of the times, he keeps quiet until i tell him honestly what's beneath all the charade - the fear, the insecurity, everything. it's like being raw and open and vulnerable. but it's much more easier that way than to go on playing dramas and melodramas.


after i calm down, and am back on track, he tells me a story. the story of lord vishnu and narada. narada was considered vishnu's biggest devotee. he was forever uttering the lord's name. so, one day, narada goes to the lord and asks him who was his biggest devotee. narada was just seeking an affirmation from the lord himself (much like how i keep telling p how much i love him :-)). vishnu doesn't reply immediately and instead comes down to the earth from the heavens. narada is puzzled by now.


they go to a village where a farmer is tilling his land. vishnu points towards the farmer and says, 'he is my biggest devotee'. narada is taken aback. how could a mere farmer be the lord's biggest devotee.

they observe the farmer for some time - the farmer takes the lord's name and then goes about tilling his land. he stops for lunch, and before eating takes the lord's name again thanking him for his blessings. after the day's work, he returns home and thanks the lord again for a good day. before retiring for the day he repeats his prayer to the lord. this really puzzles narada - how come, the lord considered the farmer, who took the lord's name only three-four times a day as his biggest devotee, whereas narada was chanting the holy name every moment of the day?

the lord then suggests that narada take up a task. he gives him a pot full of water and asks him to walk the entire length of the field and back. 'do not spill a single drop of water', says the lord. narada walks along gingerly and returns elated that he accomplished the task as per the lord's wishes. vishnu congratulates him and then asks, 'how many times during the walk did you remember me narada?'. narada sheepishly admits that he was so engrossed in fulfilling the task that he forgot all about the lord. he then understands why lord vishnu had declared the farmer as his biggest devotee.


after the story p asks me what i understood from the story. i don't get it. p tells me further that the lord was also magnanimous and just - instead of declaring narada, who was forever taking the lord's name he instead decided that the poor farmer was a bigger devotee, inspite of the fact that he did not take his name so many times. that's when understanding dawns on me. p was like the farmer, he couldn't tell me all the time of his love for me, but that didn't mean he loved me any less. and i, like lord vishnu needed to understand and appreciate that simple fact.

ramblings of a mortal

the gods were crazy at each other. and the godlings were looking on with increasing uneasiness.

it was not the first time their parents were sqabbling. well, fighting was more like it. and when the gods fought, all hell broke loose. there was thunder and lightning and storms and volcanoes erupting far below on the earth. poor earthlings, they thought it was the environment going berserk with increasing pollution and greenhouse effect and the depleting ozone layer and what not... how were they to know that the gods above were as 'human' in their pride and prejudices, sense and sensibilities, thoughts and emotions.

father god was yet again working late. he said there was something to do with the iranis not toeing the united states line, something about nuclear non-proliferation and the rest of the world deciding on whether they were for or against iran. mother god was upset that he was just not concerned about her and the family anymore. after all, she was working too - ensuring that the climate was perfect and just the way it was meant to be in the world below, and that the life cycle on the planet was working fine, following nature's rule and so many other small and big jobs. yet, she was also taking care to be home to look after their godlings and their family.

and the godlings couldn't pray, 'oh god, please let everything be fine between our parents'. because they were the gods.

amusing situation indeed!!